WASHINGTON, PA—With the 2012-2013 academic year beginning this week, longtime James G. Blaine Elementary School teacher Suzanne Pomponio, 39, expressed her astonishment Wednesday at ...
WASHINGTON—In the wake of the news that 2,000 of its things have now died in Afghanistan, U.S. military officials announced Monday that ...
NEW BRITAIN, CT—Calling him the "best person to lead this nation forward," the editors of The Recorder, Central Connecticut State University's student newspaper ...
ECONOPOLIS—As part of an effort to consolidate ties with the sovereign fiscal nation, U.S. Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke visited the cloud city-state ...
ALEXANDRIA, VA—Exhibiting the nimble precision and unrivaled genius of the 18th-century Viennese prodigy, local father Michael Kirrane, 54, navigated several discount travel websites Friday ...
BOSTON—Sources at Boston University's Shelton Hall reported Monday that freshmen Paul Seltzer and Michael Thiru will continue building a rapport with each other ...
BETHESDA, MD—Multiple reports Monday morning indicated that Van Buren Middle School teacher Ms. Emeling was totally seen making out with that dude...
WASHINGTON—In the wake of last weekend’s highly controversial comments from Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO), top Republican officials condemned the congressman’s statements Monday ...
BEDFORD, NY—Parents of 5-year-old Haylee Risser reportedly sat around their dinner table stumped Monday night, unable to recall enough colors to help their daughter ...
KETTERING, OH—After completing his first day at Fairmont High School on Tuesday, history teacher Ted Wilkinson reportedly spent most of the evening desperately praying ...
WASHINGTON—A new poll of the Missouri electorate reported this week that Sen. Claire McCaskill holds a tenuous lead in the state’s Senate race ...
MENLO PARK, CA—Saying that he thought it was a “safe bet” at first, local man Mark Zuckerberg, 28, told reporters Tuesday that—after going ...
SUN VALLEY, ID—Dental hygienist and mother June Treadway, 36, appears unaware that the thoughtful note she wrote at 6:30 a.m.
LONDON—Expressing her annoyance after nude photographs of her grandson Prince Harry of Wales surfaced on Hollywood celebrity website TMZ this week, Queen Elizabeth II ...
WASHINGTON—An early leak of the upcoming memoir documenting the raid that killed Osama bin Laden reveals the Navy SEAL who penned the in-depth account ...
WASHINGTON—Faced with shrinking tax revenues and decreased public spending, the Department of Education announced Friday the 2012-2013 academic year would need to be radically ...
NORTH PLATTE, NE—Two weeks into the new school year, North Platte High School janitor Stan McCurdy's fond memories of his summer as a ...
This year 41 states have introduced at least 180 bills that would reduce voting, whether by requiring an ID at the polls, curbing registration drives ...
Aries Running away from your problems will fail this week, as will climbing out of your problems’ reach and playing dead in hopes that your ...
AMARILLO, TX—Local gas station attendant Brian Toobes once again blamed his hat for his latest romantic failure but realized he couldn’t stay mad ...
WOONSOCKET, RI—Lou Rose's next Craigslist roommate ad is definitely going to specify "must own fork or eating utensil equivalent."
INDIANAPOLIS—Having accounts with almost every social media and online sharing site available, 32-year-old Darlene Wilson’s life is now officially overdocumented.
PASADENA, CA— Thomas Schein, 33, was so excited about finally working again he showed up five hours early on the first day of his new ...
$23.38 (-$3.14) (-11.84%) Political instability in key pudding-producing regions continues to weigh on stock prices, with the most recent reports confirming that ...
FLORHAM PARK, NJ—With competition heating up at practices, Jets coaches and players confirmed Thursday that the ground was quickly emerging as quarterback Tim Tebow ...
ALBANY, GA—By the conclusion of the 2012 London Games last Sunday, promising 12-year-old gymnast Alexandra Davids had already begun working diligently on an inspiring ...
CHICAGO—Bears middle linebacker Brian Urlacher told reporters Saturday that he felt confident about being ready to sit out the team's season opener against ...
BOSTON—Red Sox designated hitter David Ortiz told reporters Monday that he believes an intermission similar to the seventh-inning stretch—but even better—happens midway ...
JACKSONVILLE, FL—In spite of a lack of real-world evidence supporting the presumption, a new Nike commercial that debuted on network television Friday featured actors ...
Wide receiver Chad Johnson's brief stint with the Miami Dolphins ended last week after the three-time All-Pro was arrested for a domestic dispute and ...
Twenty-three-year-old Northern Irish golfer Rory McIlroy won the PGA Championship by a record eight strokes.
Admitting it had made mistakes and been over optimistic about its international prospects, Wal-Mart announced it would delay expansions in Mexico—where it faces bribery ...
During an interview yesterday, Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO), who is currently locked in a heated Senate race, said that women rarely become pregnant in cases ...
After 27 such suicides in two decades, Cornell University and the town of Ithaca, NY have agreed to install nets along the sides of five ...
With $623.52 billion worth of shares outstanding at the close of trading yesterday, tech giant Apple became the largest American company of all-time as ...
Transitioning to a more democratic system after nearly half a century of repressive military rule, Myanmar's government announced Monday that its Press Scrutiny and ...
Tropical Storm Isaac, which is currently gaining strength in the Atlantic Ocean, is expected to become a hurricane in the next several days and could ...
Former Family Ties and Spin City star Michael J. Fox, who left television 12 years ago to focus on combating Parkinson’s disease, will appear ...
According to the Congressional Budget Office, if Republicans and Democrats don't resolve their budget stalemate by year’s end, they may push the nation ...
A recently retired member of SEAL Team Six has written No Easy Day: The Firsthand Account Of The Mission That Killed Osama Bin Laden, a ...
For the seventh time in 12 years, Mark David Chapman, the man who shot John Lennon dead outside the music legend’s New York City ...
On Today Now!, country singer Heath Williams sings about good old boys who smoke meth until their teeth fall out. (Aired 11/11/11)
A woman is relieved to hear her rape was illegitimate, a 2nd-grade teacher can't believe how much fatter they keep getting, and college roommates ...
NBC 9:00 p.m. EDT/8:00 p.m. CDT A Tennessee woman who was bitten by her neighbor’s dog must convince the ...
ABC
9:00 p.m. EDT/8:00 p.m. CDT
Frozen Man remains unconscious and trapped in ice as a couple of scientists nearly ...
NBC
8:00 p.m. EDT/7:00 p.m. CDT
In this heart-wrenching episode, Detectives Ollie West and Bailey Swan are forced to arrest ...
Nathan Kroger was crushed by a hay bale, which sounds like it might be light, but this hay bale happened to be extremely heavy.
Longtime married couple Annette and Barrett Carnell died last night side by side, bickering about who was bleeding out the worst.
The GOOMF guys yell somewhat coherently about a water polo defection, the Cubs' new seven-player "ChicagaZor," and Jeff Saturday wasting away without Peyton Manning.
IOC Annoyed At Number Of Medals Left Behind At Olympic Village
Packers Sign Cedric Benson To Run Into Offensive Linemen
Tim Lincecum Suspended For Using Performance-Shittifying Drugs
Ryan Mathews Targets Season Opener Against Raiders As Date To Re-Aggravate Injury
Replacement Referee Swallows Fifteenth Whistle
Tampa Bay gay sex workers say they plan to rake in the cash sucking off secretly gay Republican politicians during the Republican National Convention.
The Onion Weather Center looks at the southwest where sweltering heat in Arizona will force law enforcement officials to suspend racial profiling for the day ...
