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Issue 4847

Just A Gray TV Screen

Just A Gray TV Screen (PBS) 8 p.m. EST/7 p.m. CST The highly anticipated American debut adapted from the British hit Just A Grey Telly Screen.

Cash Cab

Discovery 5 p.m. EST/4 p.m. CST A passenger in a deepening state of anaphylactic shock is unable to answer the three trivia questions posed to him and is consequently kicked out of the taxi eight blocks shy of Beth Israel’s emergency room.

Not A Shithole

It’s not a shithole. Sure, it could use some work, the plumbing’s not great, and there might be a foundation issue, but come on, a shithole? Why does everyone keep saying that?

Your Horoscopes - Week Of Nov. 20, 2012

Aries You have a mind like a steel trap, much to the horror of all those poor naked women locked inside. Taurus Never in a million years did you think you’d be diagnosed with split-personality disorder, which is s...

Study: Everyone, Everything Linked To Paranoia

BALTIMORE—According to a study published Tuesday in The New England Journal Of Medicine, researchers at Johns Hopkins University have succeeded in conclusively linking everyone and everything everywhere to paranoia. The comprehensive 11-month...

Fighting Continues Over World's Holiest Bombing Sites

JERUSALEM—Bitter fighting between Israel and Hamas reportedly showed no signs of abating Tuesday as both sides continued to lay exclusive claim to several of the most sacred bombing sites in the world. “The smoldering craters near Jerusalem an...

U.S. Headed For Fiscal Cliff

Unless Democrats and Republicans can reach an agreement by Jan. 1, 2013, the United States will go over the so-called “fiscal cliff,” triggering automatic spending cuts and tax increases that many experts believe could plunge the nation bac...

That’s Too Degrading!

Fox 10 p.m. EST/9 p.m. CST Contestants must correctly choose between performing a humiliating task on air or claiming, “That’s too degrading!”

Steelers v. Ravens

The Ravens battle the Steelers in a game in which both teams will leave everything on the field, making it difficult to travel across the thick layer of stuff.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Area Man

This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.


  • Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

    ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.