New Cars Unveiled At Detroit Auto Show

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Issue 4901

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ABC 11 a.m. EST/12 p.m. CST The ladies recount their first murders.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • The Onion’s Guide To Beach Etiquette

    The arrival of summer means that the nation’s beaches will soon be crowded with swimmers, tanners, surfers, and more, so it’s important for everyone to be conscious of each other’s space and needs. Here are some etiquette tips to ensure that everyone has a safe and relaxing time at the beach:

Late Night

New Cars Unveiled At Detroit Auto Show

Opening next week in Detroit, the annual North American International Auto Show will once again introduce the world to a variety of new cars. Here are some of the models that will be showcased at this year’s expo:

  • Lincoln Town Car: Trunk comes already loaded with dead snitch
  • Toyota Prius Breeze: Toyota’s next generation Prius features a 120-foot-tall roof-mounted turbine to help power its hybrid gas-wind engine
  • Nissan Quest: There are all kinds of ways we could try to spin this, but let’s level with each other: It’s a minivan
  • Ford Masoch bondage car: Comes with full leather interiors and exteriors, multiple studded seat belts, driving mask, and child safety locks on all four doors
  • Honda Accord: Includes a new voice-activated response system that assures the driver he or she made a reasonable choice at a decent price
  • Buick Charity: Comes with NPR car donation form in glove compartment
  • Toyota Highlander: New model will hunt down every other Toyota Highlander
  • Chrysler Duchamp conceptual concept car: 2 feet of PVC pipe with the word “Sedan” written on it placed atop a white display pedestal
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