The Week In Pictures – Week Of January 21, 2013

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Issue 4903

Bowling!

Let’s go! Come on, it’ll be fun. Have you ever been to the Lucky Star Lanes? They turn on a bunch of neon lights and play disco music after 9!

Bill Belichick Builds New Tight End From Mutilated Dog Parts

FOXBOROUGH, MA—In a savage and gruesome turn of events, Patriots head coach Bill Belichick reportedly slaughtered a half-dozen dogs adopted from the humane society Friday, sewing together the dismembered body parts to construct a new, horrific tight...

Feces Transplants Help Cure Diarrhea

A new study found that transplanting feces from a healthy person, typically a relative, into the colon of someone suffering diarrhea due to an infection of the Clostridium difficile bacteria proved markedly more effective at curing the ailment than...
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Race Relations

Technology

Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

The Week In Pictures – Week Of January 21, 2013

Ten Percent Of U.S. High School Students Graduating Without Basic Object Permanence Skills
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I-95 Diagnosed With Highway Cancer
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Really Hip 90-Year-Old Figures He Has Every Right To Torrent Glenn Miller's 'In The Mood'
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Panicking Flu Swears It Didn’t Mean To Kill Old Lady
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Woman Who Admits To Having Watched Golden Globes Thinks Jodie Foster Embarrassed Herself
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Golden Tate Claims He Caught Final Hail Mary In Falcons Game
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Lance Armstrong Admits To Using Performance-Enhancing Drugs To Show Remorse
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Afghanistan War Veteran Solemnly Recalls Seeing Entire Platoon Killed By Undiagnosed PTSD
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Jodie Foster Inspires Teens To Come Out Using Vague, Rambling Riddles 
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Report: Most Small Businesses Fail In First 6 Hours Of Being On Fire
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Man Who Got Shit Together 5 Years Ago Still Viewed As Lovable Fuckup By Friends, Family
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NRA Fights Legislation That Would Ban Gun Sales To Those Currently On Killing Sprees
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Osama Bin Laden Foundation Awards Fellowships To 20 Promising Young Terrorists
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Impossible To Tell If Frazzled Woman In Walgreens Uniform Going To Or Coming From Work
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College Freshman's Roommate Has Had Excuse To Go Home Every Weekend Since August
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