Schrödinger’s House

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Issue 4942

Onion Sports’ NFL Week Seven Picks

OSN shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in this weekend’s NFL week seven games: Seahawks at Cardinals OSN’s Lock Of The Week: Cardinals – Backup quarterback Drew Stanton will lead...

Johnson & Johnson Introduces New Leave-In Q-Tips

A blood-soaked mayor Bloomberg announces that homelessness is no longer a problem in New York City, Guinness World Records promotes the man who can lift 27 pounds with his tongue to editor-in-chief, and a child sees no reason why his iron man costume can'...

God Reveals He Occasionally Eats Humans

THE HEAVENS—Speaking candidly during a rare interview this Thursday, God Almighty, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, revealed to the public that He occasionally eats human beings. The Supreme Being, who spoke to reporters today about His dietary habits,...
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Entertainment

  • How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

Healthy Living

Schrödinger’s House

Has radioactive decay tripped the mechanism that sends the hammer swinging, smashing the vial of poison and killing the cat that resides inside, or does the cat still live? Buy this house and find out!