Young E-Cigarette Users Less Likely To Quit Smoking

Top Headlines

Issue 5009

Brief Moment Of Lucidity Called Panic Attack

JEFFERSON CITY, MO—Following a brief episode Friday during which he became physically debilitated by a flood of worries about his struggles in his career, romantic failings, and his own fragile mortality, sources confirmed that local man Evan Turoff...

Papa John’s Now Offering 3-Day Home Delivery

LOUISVILLE, KY—Aiming to provide their customers with the most convenient options when placing an order, Papa John’s officials announced Friday that the restaurant chain will now be offering three-day home delivery service on any purchase.

Dog Held Against Will Inside Skype Window

Ukrainian-Russian tensions divide U.S. citizens along ignorant and apathetic lines, the national endowment for the arts provides 80 million dollars for discouraging talentless hacks, and a dog is held against its will inside a Skype window.

Changes To The SAT

The College Board has announced that it is making extensive, fundamental changes to the SATs in order to better evaluate today’s high school students.

Paranoid Oscar Pistorius Still Thinks Burglar After Him

PRETORIA, SOUTH AFRICA—Insisting that the dangerous individual could be literally anywhere right now, a paranoid, wild-eyed Oscar Pistorius was reportedly overheard muttering to his defense lawyers numerous times during his murder trial Thursday tha...

Report: Mom’s Got Her Thing Tonight

BLOOMFIELD, MI—Noting that she had left earlier and would probably be gone for most of the evening, household sources confirmed Wednesday that local mother Diane Walsh has got her thing tonight. According to Walsh family members, this is the same th...

Understanding The Crisis In Ukraine

Tensions are running high between Ukraine and Russia following the ouster of Ukrainian president Viktor Yanukovych and the invasion of Ukraine’s Crimean peninsula by Russian forces.

Highlights Of Last Night’s Oscars

The 86th Academy Awards were held last night at the Dolby Theatre in Los Angeles. Here are the most memorable moments from Hollywood’s biggest night: U2 delivers a touching performance of their ballad “Cuckoo Caveman Conga” from ...

Report: Good Thing World Has Unlimited Quantity Of Oil

WASHINGTON—According to a report published Monday by the Department of Energy, given current consumption habits and the dramatic projected increases in demand from developing countries, it is extremely fortunate that the planet has an inexhaustible ...

Mother Encourages Andy Dalton To Keep Career Options Open

CINCINNATI—Stressing that the 26-year-old still has “plenty of time to figure everything out,” Tina Dalton, mother of Bengals starting quarterback Andy Dalton, reportedly encouraged her son Monday to keep his career options open for the ...
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage


Election 2016

Young E-Cigarette Users Less Likely To Quit Smoking

According to a new study from researchers at the University of California San Francisco, middle and high school students who use electronic cigarettes are more likely to smoke real cigarettes and be heavier smokers than those who don’t. What do you think?