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Issue 5107

Nation Delighted As Many Famous People In Same Room Together

HOLLYWOOD—Expressing their immense personal satisfaction at the gathering appearing on their television screens, millions of Americans across the country were reportedly delighted Sunday night upon seeing many famous people in the same room together...

Half Of Hollywood Test Group Screened Placebo Film

LOS ANGELES—Saying the methodology helps them ensure unbiased results in their marketing research, studio executives at Paramount Pictures confirmed that during a Hollywood test screening this week they showed half of all theatergoers a placebo film...

Obama’s Plan For Fighting Extremism

President Obama spoke before gathered world leaders this week at a summit on extremism, discussing the root causes of such violence, weighing options for combating terrorist groups like ISIS and Boko Haram, and laying out a plan for curbing attacks.

Tim Duncan Raving About Health Benefits Of Standing Bench

SAN ANTONIO—Explaining that it significantly reduces the risk of cardiovascular disease and promotes healthier metabolism, Spurs power forward Tim Duncan reportedly spent the majority of practice Wednesday extolling the numerous benefits of switchin...

Police Release Haircut-Progressed Photo Of Missing Woman

SYCAMORE, TX—Utilizing state-of-the-art imaging tools in an effort to spark renewed interest in the eight-month-old case, officials from the Sycamore Police Department released a haircut-progressed photo Wednesday showing how local woman Kelly Mance...

New NFL Combine Drill Places Player Alone In Room With Woman

INDIANAPOLIS— Explaining that the new exercise will help teams more accurately and comprehensively assess draft prospects, NFL representatives confirmed Tuesday that the newest scouting combine drill simply places college players in a small room alo...

Features Of The Apple Car

After dominating sales of smartphones, tablets, and other electronics, Apple is reportedly secretly designing its first car, code-named Titan.
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No One Sure If Academy Awards After-Party Going To Have Food

LOS ANGELES—Saying they’d be a bit surprised if there wasn’t at least something to nibble on, the 1,500 invitees to the official after-party of the 87th Academy Awards admitted Sunday that they were not sure if the gala event would have food. “Richard [Linklater] guessed they’d have trays of stuff going around, but even if that’s true, it might be gone if we don’t get there really early,” said Best Supporting Actor nominee Robert Duvall, adding that the Golden Globes after-party had food, so it’d be kind of odd if the one for the Oscars didn’t. “Maybe I’ll grab a granola bar or a bag of almonds beforehand. That way, if there’s no food, at least I won’t be starving. Then I can swing by In-N-Out Burger on the way home.” At press time, Duvall was asking Birdman director Alejandro González Iñárritu if he thought the after-party would be open bar.

More from this section

Obama’s Plan For Fighting Extremism

President Obama spoke before gathered world leaders this week at a summit on extremism, discussing the root causes of such violence, weighing options for combating terrorist groups like ISIS and Boko Haram, and laying out a plan for curbing attacks.

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