Issue 5334

Nation’s Middle Class Chillingly Reappears Out Of Nowhere

Hundreds Of Thousands Of Americans Suddenly Resume Blue-Collar Jobs

WASHINGTON—According to eyewitness accounts from around the country, the nation’s middle class suddenly and mysteriously reappeared Tuesday with baffled citizens providing chilling reports of thousands upon thousands of financially stable individuals pouring onto factory floors, taking up positions along assembly lines, and resuming their former blue-collar jobs without any warning whatsoever.

Features Of Android Oreo

Google’s new operating system for Android devices, Oreo, includes a whole host of new features and improvements. Here’s what to expect from Android Oreo.

Report: Shit, Last Night Was Trash Night

CHELSEA, MA—Stopping in his tracks upon discovering his entire block lined with empty bins, local man Roger Peters reported Thursday that, shit, last night was trash night.

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.
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