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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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The Trump Documents

The Executive Branch

The documents below are part of a trove of classified files provided to The Onion by an anonymous whistleblower in the White House. All of these documents can be found here.

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Homeland Security Presentation On Reinstating Torture


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Energy Department Presentation On Solving Energy Crisis


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President Trump Discusses Elimination Of Waterways With Interior Secretary


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Steve Mnuchin's Emails Regarding $20 Bill Design


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Health & Human Services Obamacare Replacement Options


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State Department Memo On Global Initiatives


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Fish And Wildlife Service Presentation On Nation's Fish


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Ben Carson Discusses The War Between Houses And Cars


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HUD Overview Presentation


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