Recent News

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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The Trump Documents

Executive Orders

The documents below are part of a trove of classified files provided to The Onion by an anonymous whistleblower in the White House. All of these documents can be found here.

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Executive Orders Establishing Trump As The Legitimate President

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Fill-In-The-Blanks Executive Order Template

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Executive Order Allowing Steve Bannon To Execute The President

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Executive Order Reanimating Osama Bin Laden

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Executive Order Declaring All White House Items Once Belonged To Lincoln

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Executive Order Designating Grand Canyon As Morgue

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Executive Order On Theseus Protocol

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Executive Order On Lighthouses

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