adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
End Of Section
  • More News
The Trump Documents

Presidential Briefings

The documents below are part of a trove of classified files provided to The Onion by an anonymous whistleblower in the White House. All of these documents can be found here.

Onion logo

President's Daily Briefing: February 15, 2017


Onion logo

President's Daily Briefing: February 21, 2017


Onion logo

President's Daily Briefing: March 9, 2017


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close