How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.

Guide To The Characters Of ‘The Force Awakens’

The highly anticipated seventh episode in the ‘Star Wars’ series, ‘The Force Awakens,’ which will be released December 18, will feature several returning characters as well as a host of new ones. Here is a guide to the characters of ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens.’

Robert De Niro Stunned To Learn Of Man Who Can Quote ‘Goodfellas’

‘Bring Him To Me,’ Actor Demands

NEW YORK—Immediately halting production on his latest project after hearing of the incredible talent, legendary actor Robert De Niro was reportedly stunned to learn Wednesday that Bayonne, NJ resident Eric Sullivan, 33, can quote the critically acclaimed 1990 Martin Scorsese film Goodfellas at length.

Timeline Of The James Bond Series

This week marks the release of the 24th film in the James Bond franchise, Spectre, featuring Daniel Craig in his fourth appearance as the British secret agent. Here are some notable moments from the film series’s 53-year history
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I Wish My Life Was Better vs. Do You Wish Your Life Was Better?

I Wish My Life Was Better

I spend a lot of time sitting around, hoping that something will drop out of the sky and make my life better. I talk about it all the time. My friends have heard me say it, my family has heard me say it, and my ex-girlfriends have heard me say it. I really believe I deserve more than what I have, but whenever I think about how hard it is to turn things around, I end up feeling so hopeless. I'm stuck in a rut, but what can I do about it?

I look around my shabby apartment and say, "I could do better than this." My furniture is comfortable, but it doesn't even match. Is this the kind of place I want to have in five years? Ten? Certainly not, but what can I do to change that?

When I consider my job, I think, "Did I really choose to be a taxi dispatcher? Did I take control of life, or did it take control of me?" I'd always imagined I'd be working somewhere I could use my creativity, instead of doing the same boring thing day after day, week after week, month after month, until suddenly, "Hey, Carl. Happy birthday, Carl. We got you a cake... 42, right? Wow." Still, the prospect of finding a new career is so daunting. Especially now that I've started to earn benefits. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Then there's my personal life. If only there were some way to improve my relationships. I really don't have a lot of friends. The few times I do get invited to a party, I usually end up sitting alone in the kitchen, loathing everyone else. Sometimes, I get the nagging feeling that if I could simply learn how to communicate more effectively, I'd not only have more friends, but I'd get along with my family, too. Maybe I'd even be married. I usually try to shake that feeling off, because I don't have the slightest clue how to change the way I interact with others.

I'm positive there's a better life out there for me. But every time I try to imagine what it might include, I get confused and frustrated. What I need is a plan of action, but it feels like I'll never find one that isn't impossible. As I go to sleep at night, I'm often gripped by the fear that I'm going to die poor, unloved, and unfulfilled. Isn't there someone out there who can help me?

Do You Wish Your Life Was Better?

Are you someone who lies on the living-room couch, hoping that something is going to drop out of the sky and make your life better? Have your friends and family—even people you barely know—heard you wish, over and over, that there was something you could do? Does it seem hopeless? Do you wish your life was better? Well, I'm here to tell you right now that it can be. If you're stuck in a rut, the patented Total Forward Thinking program will help get you back on track.

Do you look around your apartment and say, "I could do better than this"? Sure, your house might be comfortable—maybe the furniture even matches—but I'm here to tell you that you can do better. The Total Forward Thinking program will help you find what your future could hold. Not only that, but it will take you, step-by-step, toward a workable plan to get you where you really want to be.

I know what you're going through. Before I created my Total Forward Thinking plan, I knew that the life I was living was not for me. I was renting a cramped, dirty studio apartment. I had a dead-end job. My social life? What social life?! I knew I deserved better, but I was paralyzed by failure. Thanks to the Total Forward Thinking principles, my wonderful family and I now live in a $2 million house that overlooks the ocean. I couldn't be happier!

You've got to stop wishing and hoping, and start doing. You've got to take a portion of each day and visualize where you want to be five years from now. You have to see it clearly, or you're never going to get there. Then, you have to come up with a workable plan to reach your goals. This is where my book, Total Forward Thinking: The Plan, comes in. My book will provide you with the real-world strategies you'll need to make your visualized future come to life.

The thing that many people don't understand is just how much the Total Forward Thinking plan can make a difference in your life. It's not just about your job or your apartment or material goods. It can also help your relationships. Not everyone knows they can change how they interact with their loved ones, but the fact is that they can. You can make things better, but it takes time, visualization, and, of course, Total Forward Thinking.

Total Forward Thinking completely changed my life. I still use the exercises outlined in my book, even though I have a successful career, a supermodel wife, and beautiful twin baby girls. I won't stop 'til the day I die, because Total Forward Thinking is a lifelong process. Things keep getting better, and they will for you, too—just as soon as you order Total Forward Thinking: The Plan. The book has everything you need to send your life in a wonderful new direction. You have my guarantee.

So if you're out there wondering, hoping, and wishing someone could help you get your life on track, now's the time to stop dreaming and start doing. Get on the path that will take you where you want to be. Total Forward Thinking will change the rest of your life. Act now!

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