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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Nation's Hardass Cops Finally Find Time To Play Games

In a sudden departure from their long-held stance of not being here to play games and not, in fact, having the time to play games, the nation’s hardass cops announced Wednesday they had finally carved out a couple hours during which games could be p...

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Reservoir Dogs Is The Best Movie Ever vs. Reservoir Dogs Is Fucking Awesome

Reservoir Dogs Is The Best Movie Ever

Let me tell you this: Reservoir Dogs is the best movie ever! It's everything a good movie should be. You got great characters, awesome dialogue and tons of unbelievable action. Quentin Tarantino is a god.

If I think about all the movies I've seen, and I've seen a lot, I can't think of anything that even comes close. Sure, Star Wars, Blade Runner and A Clockwork Orange are all pretty cool. They're all great actually. But Reservoir Dogs blows them away. Why? Because it's just so fucking cool.

I've got this awesome six-foot-tall poster of it in my dorm room. It shows that part where they're all walking in slow motion.

I love how it's told in this totally messed-up order. It starts after the crime is over and then goes backwards. It's constantly jumping back and forth between flashback and present. The way they introduce each character is by flashing back and showing how they got involved in the crime. I can't even remember what happened first and what happened last, and I've seen the movie over 100 times. It's so complex.

I love the scene in the diner where Mr. Pink argues about paying the tip. That's so funny, because me and my friends have done the exact same thing.

Me, Steve and Zach rent it sometimes and watch it in the commons area. (Whitman House rules!) We all wear our Reservoir Dogs T-shirts, and we each take a character and say all his lines. (Last time I was Tim Roth.)

In conclusion, I just want to say that Reservoir Dogs is the greatest movie ever made.

Reservoir Dogs Is Fucking Awesome

Man, that dude doesn't know what he's talking about. Where he comes off with that opinion is beyond me. Reservoir Dogs is fucking awesome!

Harvey Keitel is the baddest dude I've ever seen act. And, unlike my esteemed colleague, I've seen a ton of movies. Three of my favorites are Blade Runner, A Clockwork Orange and Star Wars. Those are some cool movies. But Dogs (as it's called by people who really fucking love it) beats them all. It's like, pow, pow, pow!

There are so many guns in that movie, I bet it has more guns than any other movie ever.

My favorite part is when Michael Madsen, Mr. Blond, is torturing that cop and cutting him up and throwing gasoline in his face. The first time I saw that part, I was like, holy shit.

The best thing about that scene is the fact that, although it's really violent, it also really makes you think. I mean, on the one hand, I kind of felt bad for the cop, but then, on the other hand, I thought, those are the risks you take if you become a cop.

I wanted to beat up a pig once when I got my fake ID snagged at Duffy's.

I've seen Pulp Fiction a bunch of times, and it's cool, but it's not nearly as good as Dogs. Keitel didn't have a big enough role, and there were too many different plot lines to follow. A good movie has only one story.

And that end scene, where they're all pointing the guns at each other and they all shoot each other—where'd Tarantino come up with that?

In conclusion, Reservoir Dogs is seriously fucking awesome.

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