Sustainable Energy Solutions Are The Key To Our Country's Economic Future vs. Christ, Ted, Is That You? It's Four In The Morning

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Vol 47 Issue 13

Eating Locally

The locavore movement—in which people eat food produced near their home to reduce their carbon footprint—is getting more and more popular. Here are some ways you can do more to eat locally.

Cooking For Large Groups

As the warmer weather approaches, many people will open their houses to larger dinner parties. Here are some ways to take the sting out of cooking for a large group of people.

Area Dad Off To Bad Start With Waitress

BETHEL, PA—Following an awkward exchange in which Tom Richardson flagged down their server for "a round of waters" mere seconds after being seated, family members confirmed Sunday the 56-year-old father of three was off to a rough start wi...

Study: 38 Age It Too Late

BALTIMORE—After years of observing people in their late 30s to early 40s, researchers at Johns Hopkins University have determined that once an individual reaches 38 years of age it is too late to make any meaningful life changes.
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Sustainable Energy Solutions Are The Key To Our Country's Economic Future vs. Christ, Ted, Is That You? It's Four In The Morning

Sustainable Energy Solutions Are The Key To Our Country's Economic Future

Time and time again, the United States finds itself on the brink of economic disaster, and all because we have tethered ourselves to an unstable energy source: oil. This reliance leaves us both susceptible to the volatility of an unstable market and defenseless against the cyclical havoc it creates in our economy. We continually vow to change our ways, but as soon as prices go back down, we're right back where we started, feeding our oil addiction.

Now we are at a crossroads: We can either choose to pursue a global leadership position at the forefront of green energy solutions, or we can hide our heads in the sand. And unless we want to be viewed by history as another fallen empire, it's pretty obvious that we must choose sustainable energy.

Naysayers insist that we lack the basic infrastructure to do this, and that we are simply not prepared for the paradigm shifts necessary to take advantage of solar or wind power. Well, to those who say America is not ready for these changes, I say you're dead wrong. Investment in renewable energy today will create hundreds of thousands of desperately needed jobs and prepare us for a stable, emissions-free future in which our fortunes are not tied to the chaos of the world around us.

Do the recent events in the Middle East tell us nothing? It's not just hurting us at the pump; it's driving up prices of everyday essentials, such as heating oil, food, and clothing. It's now or never. Do we want to tell our children and our children's children that we met our ruin because we failed to act? I should hope not.

The bottom line is this: If the United States of America expects to maintain its position as a dominant world power, we must be able to maintain consistent, sustainable growth. And the key to that growth is consistent, sustainable energy.

Christ, Ted, Is That You? It's Four In The Morning

Hello? Who is this? Wait, just—slow down. Whoever this is needs to slow down. Jesus Christ, Ted, is that you? Ted, what the fuck, man? Do you have any idea what time it is? It's four in the goddamn morning. What the hell is—Ted, please stop talking for a second.† Yes, Ted, I agree the creation of wind and solar infrastructure will create jobs where they are sorely needed, but for God's sake, this couldn't have waited till tomorrow?

Jesus, okay. Just give me a second here. Okay. Okay. I'm awake. No, yeah, I'm awake. Okay, first off, where are you right now? Are you okay? Is everything okay?

For fuck's sake, Ted, I thought somebody had died or something. My hands are shaking. My heart is…I thought it was something with my parents or my sister or, I don't know, some kind of emergency. Yes, Ted, I realize being tied to an outdated and dangerously unstable energy source is an emergency. I get that. But come on, man, it's still fucking dark outside. I gotta be up in two hours. I have to make breakfast for the kids, I have to get them dressed, get them on the bus. Sure, yes, fine, I agree it would be great if their bus didn't burn gas, but forgive me if I'm not in the mood to list the benefits of a hydrogen-powered auto fleet right now.

Ugh, I'm so tired. I was in a really deep sleep, too. Fuck.

No, no, no, I'm not mad. I'm not mad. Well, yeah, I guess I am a little mad. Don't get me wrong, man, I fundamentally agree with everything you're saying about the cyclical economic effect of fuel costs and how America has to take the lead in changing energy paradigms, but Ted, there's nothing you, me, or anyone is gonna do about it at four in the morning, so can we drop it?

Call me at the office tomorrow and we'll talk, okay? I need my sleep. I need…Ted, why are you still talking about maintaining sustainable growth? And why is your voice so loud? Ted. Ted. Ted, seriously. Seriously, Ted, you gotta stop. You can't keep waking me up in the middle of the night every time you get riled up about something. Last week it was that global warming is a danger we can no longer afford to ignore, and the week before it was about how the drug cartels in Mexico have rendered Latin American governments virtually powerless. All very good points, Ted, but Sheila's starting to get pissed off and, frankly, so am I. You're a passionate guy and I respect that, but do you have any idea the day I have ahead of me?

Great, now Sheila's up, and she's making coffee. I'm never getting back to sleep now. Fuck. I wish you could hear yourself, Ted. You sound nuts. No, of course I don't want to be viewed by history as a fallen empire. You know what, how about a fucking apology for waking my children up, you asshole?

Their children's children are going to bear the brunt? Hey, Ted, fuck you. Go to bed.

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