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Oh Great, Another Woman Who Only Loves Me For My Complete Collection Of ‘Rurouni Kenshin’ Manga

Well isn’t that great—just great. Here I am, thinking I’ve finally met someone who’s perfect for me—she’s caring, smart, beautiful, and most of all, it seemed like she really got me. But I should have known better. Turns out she’s just like the rest of them, just another in a long line of women who only love me for my complete collection of the classic wandering samurai manga Rurouni Kenshin.

Disappointing Buffalo Wild Wings Not Living Up To Ridicule

LOS ANGELES—Describing the experience as a significant letdown, local diner Eric Tidwell told reporters that the disappointing Buffalo Wild Wings franchise he visited Thursday night failed to live up to the scorn he had long heard about the restaurant.

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

Area Dad Needs More Time With Museum Plaque

NEW YORK—Leaning in close to the paragraph of text as his family continued on to the museum’s other exhibits, area dad and Frick Collection visitor Phillip Schermeier, 58, reportedly needed more time with the plaque beside Rembrandt’s 1626 painting Palamedes In Front Of Agamemnon Thursday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.

‘Our Town’ Cast Party Going Off The Rails

PEEKSKILL, NY—Describing a wild scene in which performers and stagehands were loudly conversing, laughing, and occasionally breaking back into their characters from the play, sources confirmed Sunday night that the cast party for the local production of Our Town is currently going off the rails.

Thieves Make Off With Museum’s Most Valuable Docents

CHICAGO—In what is being described as a sophisticated and well-executed heist, thieves stole nine of the Art Institute of Chicago’s most valuable docents in broad daylight this morning, according to museum and law enforcement officials.
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You Know, There Are Some Excellent Red Wines Coming Out Of Argentina vs. I Hate You, I Hate You, I Hate You

You Know, There Are Some Excellent Red Wines Coming Out Of Argentina

So, what do you think of the wine? To be honest, I thought it was a little meek. Passable, but meek. Did you happen to catch what kind it was? Obviously, it's a cabernet, but I can't quite put my finger on the vineyard. Wherever it's from, it's certainly not the best I've had.

If our hosts wanted something nice, they might have done better with something from Argentina. A lot of people don't know this, but there are some excellent red wines coming out of Argentina right now. Most people don't think of Argentina as wine country, but you'd be amazed. There's more to that country than the pampas and gauchos.

If you ask me, Argentine wines are highly undervalued. The Mendoza region is on par with the Simi Valley of California. For whatever reason, the Malbec grape just does really well there. It's got a really fruity bouquet, but don't hold that against it. The '99 Trapiche Iscay Merlot-Malbec offsets that fruitiness nicely. If you ever have the chance to buy a case, do not pass it up. I read in Wine Spectator that it's going to be the next hot vintage and will be quite hard to come by soon.

Hold still—I think you have something on your sweater. There. Got it.

This is a great time for wine drinkers. I mean, we have so many options and choices available. And with the world economy in the toilet, there's no shortage of great wines at great prices. It would be criminal not to take advantage of it.

If you're interested in trying some Argentine wines, you could come over for a private tasting. I'd be happy to let you sample my stock. After all, my wine cellar's gotten so full, I could really use some help clearing a little room! Anyway, here's my card. Call me any time. I'm there all week, except when I'm on the boat.

I Hate You, I Hate You, I Hate You

Is that right? Are there some excellent wines coming out of Argentina these days? Please, tell me more about Argentine wine. Tell me everything you know. I'm begging you.

God, what a colossal prick.

A lot of people here might enjoy this conversation, but I'm not one of them. Who gives a shit where you get your wine? The way you're guzzling it, I'd be surprised if you can even taste it. And I'm really impressed by your references to gauchos and the pampas. What a worldly, cultured man you must be to know those two words. Should we have sex here or in one of the upstairs bedrooms?

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.

If there's one thing more irritating than wine guys, it's wine guys with personal-space issues. I can hear you fine: Quit acting like the music's so loud that you have no choice but to lean in close to my ear.

Do you ever shut up? I wish I lived in your world, where I could spew a nonstop stream of dull facts and think people actually care. If you love the Mendoza region so much, why don't you move there? No, I'm not going to buy a case of anything, I'm just looking for a graceful way to get away from you. Where do you think you're putting your hand? Oh my God. He actually just did the invisible-lint thing. I don't think I've had a guy try that one on me since college.

This would be a great time to kick someone in the testicles. I wish I had the assertiveness to say something, but I haven't even had a chance to open my mouth. I've just smiled politely and nodded. Won't someone please get this guy away from me? Won't someone please hold a loud conversation about golf or foreign cars that this guy will overhear and want to join? Oh, how I long to hear this man say to me, "Excuse me, but I need to set someone straight about the merits of the new Big Bertha XP-200 titanium driver."

Thanks so much for your card. I'll be sure to use it if I ever need a piece of scrap paper.

More from this section

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

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