adBlockCheck

You Know, There Are Some Excellent Red Wines Coming Out Of Argentina vs. I Hate You, I Hate You, I Hate You

Top Headlines

Recent News

What’s Inside Trump’s Tax Returns

Donald Trump’s aides have confirmed that the Republican presidential nominee will not release his tax returns despite numerous public calls for him to honor the expectation of transparency for presidential hopefuls. Here are some of the potentially damning contents that Trump prefers not to release to the public

NASA Launches First Cordless Satellite

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL—In what experts are calling a breakthrough achievement that is poised to revolutionize American space exploration and telecommunications, NASA announced Friday it has successfully launched its first cordless satellite into orbit.

Hillary Clinton Holds Infant Grandson Upside Down By Ankle In Front Of Convention Crowd

‘Family,’ Candidate Says

PHILADELPHIA—Seeking to make her case to the nation’s voters as she accepted her party’s presidential nomination Thursday night, Hillary Clinton reportedly began her headlining address at the Democratic National Convention by holding her infant grandson, Aidan, upside down by his ankle and firmly intoning the word “Family” in front of the assembled crowd.

Hillary Clinton Waiting In Wings Of Stage Since 6 A.M. For DNC Speech

PHILADELPHIA—Saying she arrived hours before any of the members of the production crew, sources confirmed Thursday that presidential nominee Hillary Clinton has been waiting in the wings of the Wells Fargo Center stage since six o’clock this morning to deliver her speech at the Democratic National Convention.

Depressed, Butter-Covered Tom Vilsack Enters Sixth Day Of Corn Bender After Losing VP Spot

WASHINGTON—Saying she has grown increasingly concerned about her husband’s mental and physical well-being since last Friday, Christie Vilsack, the wife of Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack, told reporters Thursday that the despondent, butter-covered cabinet member has entered the sixth day of a destructive corn bender after being passed over for the Democratic vice presidential spot.

Superfoods: Myth Vs. Fact

Though the media often heralds certain foods as cancer-fighting or immune-building, many of these claims don’t hold up to scientific scrutiny. The Onion separates the myths from the facts regarding so-called superfoods

Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the vice presidential nominee had been launched nearly 100 feet into the air during his entrance into the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night, sources reported that the cannon at the back of the Wells Fargo Center had accidentally overshot Tim Kaine across the arena, sending him crashing to the stage several dozen feet beyond the erected safety net.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

You Know, There Are Some Excellent Red Wines Coming Out Of Argentina vs. I Hate You, I Hate You, I Hate You

You Know, There Are Some Excellent Red Wines Coming Out Of Argentina

So, what do you think of the wine? To be honest, I thought it was a little meek. Passable, but meek. Did you happen to catch what kind it was? Obviously, it's a cabernet, but I can't quite put my finger on the vineyard. Wherever it's from, it's certainly not the best I've had.

If our hosts wanted something nice, they might have done better with something from Argentina. A lot of people don't know this, but there are some excellent red wines coming out of Argentina right now. Most people don't think of Argentina as wine country, but you'd be amazed. There's more to that country than the pampas and gauchos.

If you ask me, Argentine wines are highly undervalued. The Mendoza region is on par with the Simi Valley of California. For whatever reason, the Malbec grape just does really well there. It's got a really fruity bouquet, but don't hold that against it. The '99 Trapiche Iscay Merlot-Malbec offsets that fruitiness nicely. If you ever have the chance to buy a case, do not pass it up. I read in Wine Spectator that it's going to be the next hot vintage and will be quite hard to come by soon.

Hold still—I think you have something on your sweater. There. Got it.

This is a great time for wine drinkers. I mean, we have so many options and choices available. And with the world economy in the toilet, there's no shortage of great wines at great prices. It would be criminal not to take advantage of it.

If you're interested in trying some Argentine wines, you could come over for a private tasting. I'd be happy to let you sample my stock. After all, my wine cellar's gotten so full, I could really use some help clearing a little room! Anyway, here's my card. Call me any time. I'm there all week, except when I'm on the boat.

I Hate You, I Hate You, I Hate You

Is that right? Are there some excellent wines coming out of Argentina these days? Please, tell me more about Argentine wine. Tell me everything you know. I'm begging you.

God, what a colossal prick.

A lot of people here might enjoy this conversation, but I'm not one of them. Who gives a shit where you get your wine? The way you're guzzling it, I'd be surprised if you can even taste it. And I'm really impressed by your references to gauchos and the pampas. What a worldly, cultured man you must be to know those two words. Should we have sex here or in one of the upstairs bedrooms?

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.

If there's one thing more irritating than wine guys, it's wine guys with personal-space issues. I can hear you fine: Quit acting like the music's so loud that you have no choice but to lean in close to my ear.

Do you ever shut up? I wish I lived in your world, where I could spew a nonstop stream of dull facts and think people actually care. If you love the Mendoza region so much, why don't you move there? No, I'm not going to buy a case of anything, I'm just looking for a graceful way to get away from you. Where do you think you're putting your hand? Oh my God. He actually just did the invisible-lint thing. I don't think I've had a guy try that one on me since college.

This would be a great time to kick someone in the testicles. I wish I had the assertiveness to say something, but I haven't even had a chance to open my mouth. I've just smiled politely and nodded. Won't someone please get this guy away from me? Won't someone please hold a loud conversation about golf or foreign cars that this guy will overhear and want to join? Oh, how I long to hear this man say to me, "Excuse me, but I need to set someone straight about the merits of the new Big Bertha XP-200 titanium driver."

Thanks so much for your card. I'll be sure to use it if I ever need a piece of scrap paper.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close