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‘Angelina Jolie Is A Brave, Heroic Woman,’ Says Blogger Who Once Said She Looks Like An Alien

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Sponsored Content Pretty Fucking Awesome

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Possum Gazes Longingly At Family Walking Dog

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Mentally Unstable Man To Exhibit 1 Or 2 More Warning Signs Before Finally Doing This

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Malicious Focus Group Convinces Marketers Cinnamon Mountain Dew Is The Next Big Thing

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Seedless Watermelon Coming To Grips With Fact It’ll Never Be Able To Have Kids

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Social Media Rock Star Makes $28,000 Per Year

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Government-Issued PSA Urging Teens To Fuck Their Brains Out

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Middle-Aged Funeral Director Buys Flashy Red Hearse

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Man Says 'Fuck It,' Eats Lunch At 10:58 A.M.

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There Are People In World Who Are Concerned About Current State Of Hip-Hop

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Catholic Teen's Life Ends At Conception

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Onion News Empire Official Trailer

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VIRAL VIDEO: High School Sophomore Sinks Incredible, Unnecessary Half-Court Shot

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Cutest Guy In Whole Office Not Even Particularly Attractive

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Brad Pitt Decides To Grow Out Forehead Hair

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Excited Man Only 2 Therapy Sessions Away From Resolving Issues

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Couple Making Out At Bus Stop Like It's Fucking Paris

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How One Hot New Device Helps Couples Drag Out Their Doomed Relationship That Extra Month Or Two

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Popular Children's Book Author Reveals The 'Spooky Truth' About Creepy Conspiracy Theories

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Report: Saxophone Still An Okay Vehicle For Self-Expression

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Businessman Does His Work Lying On Bed Like Schoolgirl

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Ashamed Student Affairs Committee Reveals There Aren’t Any Awesome Events Happening On Campus This Weekend

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Finance Expert Saves Struggling Zoo By Firing All Employees, Getting Rid of Cages

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Guy With 10,000 Tweets, 15 Followers About Ready To Hang It Up

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Jessica Simpson Goes On Tour To Promote The Novel She Read

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Bengal Tigers’ Habitat Down To Studio Apartment In Jaipur, India

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Physicists Confirm They Have Found And Killed The 'God Particle'

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