Are You In Favor Of Capital Punishment?

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Vol 50 Issue 08

Obese Americans Get Less Than 4 Hours Of Exercise Per Year

According to a new study from researchers at the University of Alabama, the average obese American gets fewer than 4 hours of “vigorous exercise” per year, with obese men averaging 3.6 hours of vigorous exercise per year and obese women gettin...
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  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Are You In Favor Of Capital Punishment?

  • No. A full prison is a happy prison.
  • Definitely, unless our justice system were to ever somehow become vulnerable to racial bias and human error.
  • I don’t know. And not in the “I’ve weighed all the arguments but it’s all so complicated I can’t yet arrive at a decision” way, either.
  • Yes, but if the prisoner tells his story and is able to make the executioner cry then he gets to go free.
  • Only if we’re at least 75 percent sure they did it.
  • Come on now, Frank. We’re trying to sit down and have a nice dinner here. We can talk about this later.
  • Yes. I find last meals interesting.
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