WASHINGTON—Waiting in line and nervously watching as, one by one, his fellow presidential candidates took their turn inside the machine, Gov. Scott Walker told reporters Thursday that the GOP Female Experience Simulator had so far left every contender for the party’s nomination disoriented, confused, and deeply distressed.
- No. They need to be replaced by different out-of-touch, egomaniacal pricks.
- Yes, but only Rep. Alan S. Lowenthal of California. That guy’s incredible!
- Completely unacceptable, but they still deserve a few more chances to get it right.
- No, but I approve of them as individuals with unique hopes and dreams.
- The fat cats in Congress? Hell, you can only trust those bastards as far as you can throw ’em. I’ll tell you, people wonder why this country is going down the tubes and you don’t need to look any further than those overpaid clowns controlling Capitol Hill, my friend.
- No! And thank you; I’ve been dying to get this off my chest.
- Definitely. Did you read H.R. 308? Fucking poetry, man.
- Of course not, but when has anyone cared what South Dakota thinks?