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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
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Do You Approve Of How Pope Francis Is Leading The Catholic Church?

  • I do not. He’s worse than Honorius I.
  • Yeah, just as long as he keeps his grubby little mitts off the Feast of St. Nestor of Magydos.
  • No, I’m gay and I don’t want to be accepted.
  • He’s okay, but he’s no Holy Ghost, I’ll tell you that much.
  • What did the guy above me say? I’ll go with that.
  • No. He’s making it harder for traditionally marginalized groups to get out of going to church.
  • Yes. I do believe I am taking the Church in the right direction.

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