WASHINGTON—Saying his wife of 24 years had already sacrificed so much for the sake of his career and that it was time to return the favor, Barack Obama announced Wednesday his resignation as president of the United States of America, effective immediately, following news that Michelle Obama had landed her dream job in Seattle.
- I do not. He’s worse than Honorius I.
- Yeah, just as long as he keeps his grubby little mitts off the Feast of St. Nestor of Magydos.
- No, I’m gay and I don’t want to be accepted.
- He’s okay, but he’s no Holy Ghost, I’ll tell you that much.
- What did the guy above me say? I’ll go with that.
- No. He’s making it harder for traditionally marginalized groups to get out of going to church.
- Yes. I do believe I am taking the Church in the right direction.