SALEM, OR—Saying their respective justifications were “good to go” whenever necessary, local couple Mark Wondrich, 25, and Cara Marshall, 27, reported Friday that they each have a comprehensive list of reasons why they should break up with the other on standby.
- I do not. He’s worse than Honorius I.
- Yeah, just as long as he keeps his grubby little mitts off the Feast of St. Nestor of Magydos.
- No, I’m gay and I don’t want to be accepted.
- He’s okay, but he’s no Holy Ghost, I’ll tell you that much.
- What did the guy above me say? I’ll go with that.
- No. He’s making it harder for traditionally marginalized groups to get out of going to church.
- Yes. I do believe I am taking the Church in the right direction.