CHICAGO—Describing the sickening sight and stench of the carcasses that have become a constant presence around the clubhouse, members of the Chicago Cubs admitted to reporters Tuesday that they have become increasingly unnerved by third baseman Kris Bryant’s repeated attempts to break the team’s so-called “Curse of the Billy Goat” by slaughtering goats.
- I do not. He’s worse than Honorius I.
- Yeah, just as long as he keeps his grubby little mitts off the Feast of St. Nestor of Magydos.
- No, I’m gay and I don’t want to be accepted.
- He’s okay, but he’s no Holy Ghost, I’ll tell you that much.
- What did the guy above me say? I’ll go with that.
- No. He’s making it harder for traditionally marginalized groups to get out of going to church.
- Yes. I do believe I am taking the Church in the right direction.