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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Do You Approve Of How Pope Francis Is Leading The Catholic Church?

  • I do not. He’s worse than Honorius I.
  • Yeah, just as long as he keeps his grubby little mitts off the Feast of St. Nestor of Magydos.
  • No, I’m gay and I don’t want to be accepted.
  • He’s okay, but he’s no Holy Ghost, I’ll tell you that much.
  • What did the guy above me say? I’ll go with that.
  • No. He’s making it harder for traditionally marginalized groups to get out of going to church.
  • Yes. I do believe I am taking the Church in the right direction.
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