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Do You Approve Of The NSA Spying On Citizens?

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Do You Approve Of The NSA Spying On Citizens?

  • Yes. It’s nice to have someone listening besides God.
  • I wasn’t doing much with my civil liberties anyway, to be honest.
  • No. I don’t need some government agency to thwart terrorism for me.
  • They’re welcome to try, but as a fair warning, I only type at one speed: fast.
  • I like knowing there’s an audience for my little show.
  • No. My correspondences with my best friend Greg are between me and Greg.
  • Yes, as long as they offer constructive criticism and keep in mind that I’m a work in progress.
  • Well, there haven’t been any terrorist attacks here in Olathe, KS, so I’m fine with it.

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