JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.
- No. The universe needs to be about me.
- Yes. And I have a half-remembered dream to prove it.
- No. I believe that the only life in the infinite bounds of space is contained within an 8,000-mile radius of Tempe, AZ.
- It depends—do they believe in us? I’m only on board if the belief is mutual.
- Well, shucks. I reckon I can't say. I'm just a simple fella who doesn't concern himself with beings outside this here solar system.
- Of course not, fellow human adult. Like you, I am just a normal Earth breeding drone who loves Earth sports and ketchup.
- I don’t know. Is that a weird or normal thing to believe now?
- There better be; my alibi relies heavily on it.