Do You Believe Aliens Exist?

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Vol 50 Issue 17

60 Teens Arrested In Senior Class Prank

More than 60 students from Teaneck High School in New Jersey were arrested this week after they taped hot dogs to lockers and urinated all over the floors as part of a senior class prank.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Do You Believe Aliens Exist?

  • No. The universe needs to be about me.
  • Yes. And I have a half-remembered dream to prove it.
  • No. I believe that the only life in the infinite bounds of space is contained within an 8,000-mile radius of Tempe, AZ.
  • It depends—do they believe in us? I’m only on board if the belief is mutual.
  • Well, shucks. I reckon I can't say. I'm just a simple fella who doesn't concern himself with beings outside this here solar system.
  • Of course not, fellow human adult. Like you, I am just a normal Earth breeding drone who loves Earth sports and ketchup.
  • I don’t know. Is that a weird or normal thing to believe now?
  • There better be; my alibi relies heavily on it.
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