BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.
- No. The universe needs to be about me.
- Yes. And I have a half-remembered dream to prove it.
- No. I believe that the only life in the infinite bounds of space is contained within an 8,000-mile radius of Tempe, AZ.
- It depends—do they believe in us? I’m only on board if the belief is mutual.
- Well, shucks. I reckon I can't say. I'm just a simple fella who doesn't concern himself with beings outside this here solar system.
- Of course not, fellow human adult. Like you, I am just a normal Earth breeding drone who loves Earth sports and ketchup.
- I don’t know. Is that a weird or normal thing to believe now?
- There better be; my alibi relies heavily on it.