Do You Believe Aliens Exist?

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Horrifying Police Body Camera Footage Clearly Shows Current State Of America

CINCINNATI—Following a traffic stop earlier this month by a University of Cincinnati police officer that ended in the shooting death of an unarmed black motorist, authorities confirmed Thursday that the disturbing video recorded by the officer’s body camera clearly and graphically shows the current state of America.

Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.
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Do You Believe Aliens Exist?

  • No. The universe needs to be about me.
  • Yes. And I have a half-remembered dream to prove it.
  • No. I believe that the only life in the infinite bounds of space is contained within an 8,000-mile radius of Tempe, AZ.
  • It depends—do they believe in us? I’m only on board if the belief is mutual.
  • Well, shucks. I reckon I can't say. I'm just a simple fella who doesn't concern himself with beings outside this here solar system.
  • Of course not, fellow human adult. Like you, I am just a normal Earth breeding drone who loves Earth sports and ketchup.
  • I don’t know. Is that a weird or normal thing to believe now?
  • There better be; my alibi relies heavily on it.