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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Do You Believe Aliens Exist?

  • No. The universe needs to be about me.
  • Yes. And I have a half-remembered dream to prove it.
  • No. I believe that the only life in the infinite bounds of space is contained within an 8,000-mile radius of Tempe, AZ.
  • It depends—do they believe in us? I’m only on board if the belief is mutual.
  • Well, shucks. I reckon I can't say. I'm just a simple fella who doesn't concern himself with beings outside this here solar system.
  • Of course not, fellow human adult. Like you, I am just a normal Earth breeding drone who loves Earth sports and ketchup.
  • I don’t know. Is that a weird or normal thing to believe now?
  • There better be; my alibi relies heavily on it.

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