Do You Believe In Global Warming?

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Vol 50 Issue 03

Jay Z Honored To Be Nominated In Same Category As Jay Z

LOS ANGELES—Saying that he was thrilled to be considered alongside such a talented and respected musician, hip-hop artist and 2014 Best Rap Album Grammy nominee Jay Z told reporters today that he feels “deeply honored” to be nominated in...

Lunchbox Mostly Medication

Inclement weather prevents a liar from getting to work, thousands of athletes who will disgrace their country eagerly train for the Winter Olympics, and a lunchbox is mostly medication.

Mascot Absolutely Reeks

SYRACUSE, NY—Saying that they probably never clean the thing, sources confirmed Friday that Syracuse University’s mascot Otto the Orange absolutely reeked as he wove his way in and out of stands.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Do You Believe In Global Warming?

  • No; I need overwhelming scientific evidence before I’ll believe something like that.
  • Yes. I haven’t seen a single glacier anywhere.
  • Only in a metaphorical sense.
  • Not until the Costa Rican variable harlequin toad dies out for good.
  • I’m close, but I’ll need to see a slightly melted earth on the cover of ‘Time’ magazine first.
  • Yes, because in this day and age we all need to believe in something.
  • I don’t, but that hasn’t ruined ‘The Day After Tomorrow’ for me.
  • That’s neither here nor there. Two people in the parking lot saw you leave your dog inside the vehicle. Come with me.
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