Do You Believe In Global Warming?

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Goodwill Executives Arrested After Years Of Skimming Donated Goods Off Top

ROCKVILLE, MD—In what authorities are calling one of the most wide-reaching and deplorable cases of embezzlement in recent history, seven executives at Goodwill Industries International were arrested Thursday for allegedly skimming used clothing, old furniture, small appliances, and thousands of other donated items from the charitable group.

Meteorologists Say Upcoming Hurricane Season To Be Permanent

SILVER SPRING, MD—Warning residents to prepare for extreme winds, heavy rainfall, and flooding starting in the near future and continuing indefinitely, meteorologists at the National Weather Service announced Friday that the upcoming hurricane season would be permanent.
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Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.

Do You Believe In Global Warming?

  • No; I need overwhelming scientific evidence before I’ll believe something like that.
  • Yes. I haven’t seen a single glacier anywhere.
  • Only in a metaphorical sense.
  • Not until the Costa Rican variable harlequin toad dies out for good.
  • I’m close, but I’ll need to see a slightly melted earth on the cover of ‘Time’ magazine first.
  • Yes, because in this day and age we all need to believe in something.
  • I don’t, but that hasn’t ruined ‘The Day After Tomorrow’ for me.
  • That’s neither here nor there. Two people in the parking lot saw you leave your dog inside the vehicle. Come with me.