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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Do You Believe In God?

  • Yeppers.
  • I guess I never thought about it until just now when you asked me.
  • You mean Drathragaal? Of course.
  • Yes; I really enjoy capitalizing the “H” in “He.”
  • No; did you not see that horrible sunset last night?
  • There’s got to be something divine behind the smooth, sweet taste of cream soda.
  • Yes, I do believe in Her. Am I an amazing person or what?
  • I believe in love. I believe in us. Isn’t that enough?
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