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‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.
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Do You Believe In Spanking Children?

  • Yes. How else are we supposed to let our children know we were physically disciplined by our own parents?
  • Only as long as you’re just threatening it and never following through.
  • No, but I still do it because I care about my kids.
  • Yes. No. I forget which type of parenting style I’m into right now.
  • Yes. If I hadn’t been spanked as a child I would still be touching my dad’s autographed baseball memorabilia.
  • No, but imagining it is what gets me through the day.
  • Depends on what store I’m in.
  • Spanking them is okay, but you should never perform a drum solo on their buttocks.

More from this section

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

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