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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.
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Do You Believe In Spanking Children?

  • Yes. How else are we supposed to let our children know we were physically disciplined by our own parents?
  • Only as long as you’re just threatening it and never following through.
  • No, but I still do it because I care about my kids.
  • Yes. No. I forget which type of parenting style I’m into right now.
  • Yes. If I hadn’t been spanked as a child I would still be touching my dad’s autographed baseball memorabilia.
  • No, but imagining it is what gets me through the day.
  • Depends on what store I’m in.
  • Spanking them is okay, but you should never perform a drum solo on their buttocks.

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