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Do You Believe In The Theory Of Evolution?

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Man Practices Haircut Request Before Heading To Barber

MINNEAPOLIS—Having scripted a set of lines he hoped to deliver with confidence and decisiveness, local 34-year-old Jason Clyne carefully rehearsed his haircut request several times Friday before heading to his local barbershop, sources confirmed.

Weddings vs. Eloping

Many couples who don’t want to put the time and money toward a wedding simply run off and get married in secret. Here is a side-by-side comparison of planning a wedding and eloping

EPA Urges Flint Residents To Stop Dumping Tap Water Down Drain

FLINT, MI—Citing the significant health and safety risks that it poses to public infrastructure and the local ecosystem, the Environmental Protection Agency released a statement Thursday urging residents of Flint to discontinue dumping tap water down their drains.

New OSHA Regulations To Cut Down On Workplace Mutations

WASHINGTON—In an attempt to address the troubling number of genetic transformations occurring in workplaces across the nation, the United States Occupational Safety and Health Administration unveiled new regulations this week aimed at reducing on-the-job mutations, sources confirmed.

Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Upcoming Changes To U.S. Currency

Secretary of the Treasury Jack Lew recently announced a series of significant changes to U.S. currency. Here are some of the more notable alterations on the horizon
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Do You Believe In The Theory Of Evolution?

  • Yes. I’ve been naturally selected to be agreeable.
  • I’ll believe it when I see it with my own eyes over millions of years.
  • I only believe in what’s written in the Holy Bible and peer-reviewed scientific journals.
  • Not until I saw the 2014 Acura MDX, my friend. The all-new 2014 Acura MDX.
  • Chemolithotrophic bacteria into hyperthermophilic bacteria? Yes. Anaerobic microbes into eucaryotic proteasomes? No.
  • It seems cruel to believe in evolution after God worked so hard on all those fossils to test our faith.
  • Take one look at these sculpted calves and tell me I wasn’t intelligently designed.
  • True or not, I’m still showing 'Jurassic Park' to my students on Friday.

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