SALEM, OR—Saying their respective justifications were “good to go” whenever necessary, local couple Mark Wondrich, 25, and Cara Marshall, 27, reported Friday that they each have a comprehensive list of reasons why they should break up with the other on standby.
- Yes, it perpetuates negative attitudes and stereotypes about sex that aren’t reinforced anywhere else in American society.
- No, it provides a release for the natural human urge to get double-penetrated in a pool house while cameras are rolling.
- It’s not healthy for children, but once a person turns 18, it magically becomes appropriate.
- Absolutely. Look how much less violent and sexist we were before internet porn was readily available.
- No, just look at how happy everyone in the industry looks!
- Yes, it gives people the false belief that they might one day find some other person similarly invested in their orgasm.
- Not sure. Haven’t once interacted with society since discovering porn.
- Yes, and that’s why I refuse to pay for it.