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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Do You Believe Pornography Is Harmful To Society?

  • Yes, it perpetuates negative attitudes and stereotypes about sex that aren’t reinforced anywhere else in American society.
  • No, it provides a release for the natural human urge to get double-penetrated in a pool house while cameras are rolling.
  • It’s not healthy for children, but once a person turns 18, it magically becomes appropriate.
  • Absolutely. Look how much less violent and sexist we were before internet porn was readily available.
  • No, just look at how happy everyone in the industry looks!
  • Yes, it gives people the false belief that they might one day find some other person similarly invested in their orgasm.
  • Not sure. Haven’t once interacted with society since discovering porn.
  • Yes, and that’s why I refuse to pay for it.

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