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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Do You Believe Pornography Is Harmful To Society?

  • Yes, it perpetuates negative attitudes and stereotypes about sex that aren’t reinforced anywhere else in American society.
  • No, it provides a release for the natural human urge to get double-penetrated in a pool house while cameras are rolling.
  • It’s not healthy for children, but once a person turns 18, it magically becomes appropriate.
  • Absolutely. Look how much less violent and sexist we were before internet porn was readily available.
  • No, just look at how happy everyone in the industry looks!
  • Yes, it gives people the false belief that they might one day find some other person similarly invested in their orgasm.
  • Not sure. Haven’t once interacted with society since discovering porn.
  • Yes, and that’s why I refuse to pay for it.
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