adBlockCheck

Recent News

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Veteran Given Hero’s Welcome Back To Afghanistan

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Waving flags and breaking into cheers the moment they spotted the veteran, dozens of joyous citizens gave Marine Pfc. Victor Rosas, 23, a hero’s welcome back to Afghanistan, sources reported Tuesday.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
End Of Section
  • More News

Do You Believe Pornography Is Harmful To Society?

  • Yes, it perpetuates negative attitudes and stereotypes about sex that aren’t reinforced anywhere else in American society.
  • No, it provides a release for the natural human urge to get double-penetrated in a pool house while cameras are rolling.
  • It’s not healthy for children, but once a person turns 18, it magically becomes appropriate.
  • Absolutely. Look how much less violent and sexist we were before internet porn was readily available.
  • No, just look at how happy everyone in the industry looks!
  • Yes, it gives people the false belief that they might one day find some other person similarly invested in their orgasm.
  • Not sure. Haven’t once interacted with society since discovering porn.
  • Yes, and that’s why I refuse to pay for it.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close