GREENVILLE, SC—In response to the presidential candidate’s unsatisfactory answer to a question about the economic effects of environmental regulations, Koch Industries CEO Charles Koch reportedly ordered a sniper positioned in the rafters of the Greenville Peace Center to fire a warning shot near Marco Rubio’s podium during Saturday’s Republican debate.
- No. The Bible clearly states that marriage is between two nomadic Hebrews of the opposite sex.
- Yes. I hate the idea that any of the couples in these girl-on-girl erotic massage videos are living in sin.
- It depends—is this the same thing as gay marriage?
- Yes, but if they have kids, one spouse must be easygoing and the other must be strict.
- No, can’t you read the sign I’m holding at this soldier’s funeral?
- Oh, Jeremy, yes! Yes! A thousand times yes! I’ve been waiting for you to ask me for months!
- Yes, but I am a robot, and sadly, we are not able to vote yet. That is the real issue we should be talking about.