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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Do You Believe Unpaid Internships Are Unethical?

  • No, if these kids can’t afford to live for months at a time in a major metropolitan city without a salary, then they don’t seem like the type of people that deserve the good jobs.
  • Yes, I’m appalled at these companies unless they end up hiring me.
  • No way. Interns are handsomely compensated with oxygen and chairs.
  • Of course not. The best way to see if someone is truly qualified and well-suited for a job is to see how well he or she can do mindless busy work without complaint.
  • There’s no way we’re paying Nate for the crap he does.
  • It’s fine, as long as the interns don’t walk away with the sense they are owed, or have accomplished, anything.
  • Yes, but who am I to pay people who work for me?

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