CORPUS CHRISTI, TX—With her initially stated desire for restored wide-plank floors and a walk-in pantry having already been broadened to any hardwood or laminate flooring and decent kitchen storage space, sources confirmed Friday that aspiring homeowner Chelsea Lange has supplied a progressively vaguer description of her dream home with each new place she reviews in her price range.
- No. I need this handgun in case I have to shoot a person.
- Certainly not the Beretta Px4 Storm Inox! Talk about smooth action.
- Yes, but only if we can still make our hands into the shape of a gun and pretend to blow smoke from it after dishing out a great insult.
- Not until I settle a few scores.
- Only for criminals and men of poor repute.
- You can’t possibly be suggesting I get rid of Peggy?!
- I’m so good at fighting that it doesn’t really matter.