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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Do You Think Doctors Are Overprescribing Medications?

  • No, I enjoy watching my patients destroy themselves.
  • Yes. But I feel like if I don’t take all of them, I’m being rude to my doctor.
  • What are you saying, that there’s nothing actually wrong with Jeremy?
  • It seems like doctors will give you penicillin for just about any life-threatening infection these days.
  • How else am I going to counteract the side effects of drugs I’ve already been prescribed?
  • I still can’t get my kid to shut the fuck up, so no.
  • Yes, especially the purple ones.
  • Why? What do you need?

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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

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