adBlockCheck

Recent News

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.
End Of Section
  • More News

Do You Think Schools Should Teach Abstinence-Only Sex Education?

  • Yes. Our culture and media are so saturated with images of abstinence, it’s important for kids to get the facts.
  • No. We must propagate the species.
  • Of course. How else are we going to prepare them for a life where no one gets raped and everyone gets married?
  • We shouldn’t teach sexual education at all. Sex should remain a beautiful mystery, like science.
  • Yes. If we don’t, kids will just pick up myths about saving it for marriage on the playground.
  • Either way is fine as long as gym teachers with no classroom experience are still the ones teaching it.
  • I just drop them off and pick them up. Do what you have to do.
  • Yes, unless of course the students are really in love.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close