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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Do You Think The Minimum Wage Should Be Increased?

  • Not if they’re just going to spend it on food and clothes.
  • Sure, but can we keep Mike’s paycheck the same? He’s the worst.
  • No way. They’ll get a big head and think they’re as valuable to society as someone who makes $12 an hour.
  • Yes. That would make me feel much less guilty about how I treated the employees at the Halloween store.
  • They already get a free unisex crew shirt and one discounted medium order of fries per shift. What else do they want?
  • Raise it or lower it. One thing is for sure: it can’t stay the same.
  • Yes, but only if we raise all other wages so no one feels excluded.
  • What fun is raising a family without the thrilling uncertainty of whether or not you’ll be able to feed them?
  • Yes? No? Look, I’m just trying to enjoy my daily 90-second break here.
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