Do You Think The Minimum Wage Should Be Increased?

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.

Do You Think The Minimum Wage Should Be Increased?

  • Not if they’re just going to spend it on food and clothes.
  • Sure, but can we keep Mike’s paycheck the same? He’s the worst.
  • No way. They’ll get a big head and think they’re as valuable to society as someone who makes $12 an hour.
  • Yes. That would make me feel much less guilty about how I treated the employees at the Halloween store.
  • They already get a free unisex crew shirt and one discounted medium order of fries per shift. What else do they want?
  • Raise it or lower it. One thing is for sure: it can’t stay the same.
  • Yes, but only if we raise all other wages so no one feels excluded.
  • What fun is raising a family without the thrilling uncertainty of whether or not you’ll be able to feed them?
  • Yes? No? Look, I’m just trying to enjoy my daily 90-second break here.