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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Do You Think The Minimum Wage Should Be Increased?

  • Not if they’re just going to spend it on food and clothes.
  • Sure, but can we keep Mike’s paycheck the same? He’s the worst.
  • No way. They’ll get a big head and think they’re as valuable to society as someone who makes $12 an hour.
  • Yes. That would make me feel much less guilty about how I treated the employees at the Halloween store.
  • They already get a free unisex crew shirt and one discounted medium order of fries per shift. What else do they want?
  • Raise it or lower it. One thing is for sure: it can’t stay the same.
  • Yes, but only if we raise all other wages so no one feels excluded.
  • What fun is raising a family without the thrilling uncertainty of whether or not you’ll be able to feed them?
  • Yes? No? Look, I’m just trying to enjoy my daily 90-second break here.

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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

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