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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.
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Do You Trust The Mainstream Media?

  • No, but propaganda that I agree with is good enough for me.
  • Yes, but then again, I once ate an unpeeled orange because my friend told me it would clear up my acne.
  • I heard someone call it the lame-stream media and I was like, ‘Right?’
  • If they can trust me not to take all the newspapers in the box, I can trust them.
  • I don’t really have an opinion. Just color my state orange.
  • Yep. They’ve been right about every movie showtime since I can remember.
  • Only when it comes to matters of the heart.

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