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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.
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Do You Trust The Mainstream Media?

  • No, but propaganda that I agree with is good enough for me.
  • Yes, but then again, I once ate an unpeeled orange because my friend told me it would clear up my acne.
  • I heard someone call it the lame-stream media and I was like, ‘Right?’
  • If they can trust me not to take all the newspapers in the box, I can trust them.
  • I don’t really have an opinion. Just color my state orange.
  • Yep. They’ve been right about every movie showtime since I can remember.
  • Only when it comes to matters of the heart.

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