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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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Do You Trust The Mainstream Media?

  • No, but propaganda that I agree with is good enough for me.
  • Yes, but then again, I once ate an unpeeled orange because my friend told me it would clear up my acne.
  • I heard someone call it the lame-stream media and I was like, ‘Right?’
  • If they can trust me not to take all the newspapers in the box, I can trust them.
  • I don’t really have an opinion. Just color my state orange.
  • Yep. They’ve been right about every movie showtime since I can remember.
  • Only when it comes to matters of the heart.
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