DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
- Yes. I love to see the needle plow deep into their soft, unsullied flesh.
- Annabelle, yes. Jason, no.
- Not until one of these doctors vaccinates themselves to prove that these things aren’t full of poison.
- Yes. Wait, does this mean some people don’t? Holy shit.
- Only if they’ve been good.
- Absolutely not. It’s my right as a parent to kill everyone who comes into contact with my child.
- Yes, but only because I love the complete rush of waiting to see if my child gets autism.