BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.
- Yes. I love to see the needle plow deep into their soft, unsullied flesh.
- Annabelle, yes. Jason, no.
- Not until one of these doctors vaccinates themselves to prove that these things aren’t full of poison.
- Yes. Wait, does this mean some people don’t? Holy shit.
- Only if they’ve been good.
- Absolutely not. It’s my right as a parent to kill everyone who comes into contact with my child.
- Yes, but only because I love the complete rush of waiting to see if my child gets autism.