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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Do You Vaccinate Your Children?

  • Yes. I love to see the needle plow deep into their soft, unsullied flesh.
  • Annabelle, yes. Jason, no.
  • Not until one of these doctors vaccinates themselves to prove that these things aren’t full of poison.
  • Yes. Wait, does this mean some people don’t? Holy shit.
  • Only if they’ve been good.
  • Absolutely not. It’s my right as a parent to kill everyone who comes into contact with my child.
  • Yes, but only because I love the complete rush of waiting to see if my child gets autism.
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