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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Should Companies Be Required To Cover Birth Control In Their Health Insurance Policies?

  • Absolutely not. Employees should respect the beliefs of the people taking away their rights.
  • Sure, as long as the insurance companies can split the cost with the employees’ boyfriends.
  • No. No one at my company is having intercourse.
  • Yes, but only because I desperately want my company involved in every aspect of my personal life.
  • If we force companies to pay for women’s sexual health prescriptions, then what’s next? Covering the cost of Viagra and Cialis for men, no questions asked?
  • No way. I love flashing cold hard cash to my Walgreens cashier when I’m picking up Ortho Tri-Cyclen.
  • Yes, provided that birth control pills are given as rewards in exchange for meeting sales projections.
  • No. Employers shouldn’t be bullied into violating their deeply held beliefs by immoral women they personally hired to work for them.
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