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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Should Employers Be Required To Offer Paid Maternity Leave?

  • Absolutely not. Then people will get the idea that this country will invest in kids the rest of the time they’re growing up.
  • Yes. Companies who don’t want to pay should have just fired the employee when she got pregnant.
  • No, the first few weeks are essential bonding time for a newborn and her au pair.
  • Absolutely. It’s the only way we’re going to get rid of Jan.
  • Of course, as long as it’s 80 percent of what a pregnant man would be paid.
  • Yes, but when they come back they can never speak about what transpired ever again.
  • No way. What are we, nearly every other nation in the world?
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