SALEM, OR—Saying their respective justifications were “good to go” whenever necessary, local couple Mark Wondrich, 25, and Cara Marshall, 27, reported Friday that they each have a comprehensive list of reasons why they should break up with the other on standby.
- No. It’s easier for me to hate them when they’re nearby.
- Yes. Get these damn Norwegians out of my country.
- Definitely! I’m all for anything that involves a long, frustrating bureaucratic process.
- Only the ones I am not currently exploiting.
- Yes, but not Miguel. He can stay.
- Nah, they can have the jobs. I was never one for working anyway.
- Whatever it takes to win this primary.