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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Should Illegal Immigrants Be Deported?

  • No. It’s easier for me to hate them when they’re nearby.
  • Yes. Get these damn Norwegians out of my country.
  • Definitely! I’m all for anything that involves a long, frustrating bureaucratic process.
  • Only the ones I am not currently exploiting.
  • Yes, but not Miguel. He can stay.
  • Nah, they can have the jobs. I was never one for working anyway.
  • Whatever it takes to win this primary.
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