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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Should Kids Be Allowed To Sleep In Bed With Their Parents?

  • No. Bedtime is when parents get to make fun of all the stupid things their child said that day.
  • Yes, but not past age 25.
  • Absolutely not. Kids should cry themselves to sleep each night, same as me.
  • Sure. It seems slightly less weird than other recent parenting trends.
  • Okay, but only if they all sleep in descending order of height.
  • Yes!
  • No; otherwise those kids would never grow out of being the little spoon.
  • Definitely. I’m not going to wait until morning to be kicked in the face.

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