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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.
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Should Teachers Be Permitted To Carry Guns In Schools?

  • Yes, teachers are the first line of defense against a non-threatening school environment.
  • Absolutely not. Students have enough firepower to protect themselves.
  • Yes, guns are incredibly effective tools for visual learners.
  • No way. If we give teachers guns, the next thing you know, they’ll expect up-to-date textbooks.
  • Of course. We can’t have our children growing up thinking any space can’t become a battlefield at a moment’s notice.
  • Fine, let’s give the NRA what it wants just this one time.
  • Absolutely, because the idea of seeing Mr. Meckler trying to handle a gun is freaking hilarious.

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