ELMHURST, IL—Furrowing his brow and nodding along to his wife’s pricing and location concerns Tuesday, local man Grant Foster’s sole contribution to the search for a new home has reportedly been to periodically tell his wife he wishes he knew how to help.
- Yes, teachers are the first line of defense against a non-threatening school environment.
- Absolutely not. Students have enough firepower to protect themselves.
- Yes, guns are incredibly effective tools for visual learners.
- No way. If we give teachers guns, the next thing you know, they’ll expect up-to-date textbooks.
- Of course. We can’t have our children growing up thinking any space can’t become a battlefield at a moment’s notice.
- Fine, let’s give the NRA what it wants just this one time.
- Absolutely, because the idea of seeing Mr. Meckler trying to handle a gun is freaking hilarious.