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Should The Drinking Age Be Lowered To 18?

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Should The Drinking Age Be Lowered To 18?

  • Absolutely. Imagine how much more fun college would be if the students could drink.
  • No. The crowds at most bars make me feel old enough as it is.
  • Yes, but only in exchange for a reinstatement of the draft.
  • No. It would be tragic to miss out on the delicate dance that is asking your older cousin to buy you beer.
  • Yes, and it’s long overdue. Our prisons are too full of fraternity brothers who made one mistake.
  • No way. Changing all those signs feels like too much work.
  • Absolutely not. Teens need to learn how to legally own a gun for three years before adding alcohol to the mix.
  • Yes. Everyone calm down; it’s just poison.

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