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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Should The Drinking Age Be Lowered To 18?

  • Absolutely. Imagine how much more fun college would be if the students could drink.
  • No. The crowds at most bars make me feel old enough as it is.
  • Yes, but only in exchange for a reinstatement of the draft.
  • No. It would be tragic to miss out on the delicate dance that is asking your older cousin to buy you beer.
  • Yes, and it’s long overdue. Our prisons are too full of fraternity brothers who made one mistake.
  • No way. Changing all those signs feels like too much work.
  • Absolutely not. Teens need to learn how to legally own a gun for three years before adding alcohol to the mix.
  • Yes. Everyone calm down; it’s just poison.
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