JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.
- Absolutely. Imagine how much more fun college would be if the students could drink.
- No. The crowds at most bars make me feel old enough as it is.
- Yes, but only in exchange for a reinstatement of the draft.
- No. It would be tragic to miss out on the delicate dance that is asking your older cousin to buy you beer.
- Yes, and it’s long overdue. Our prisons are too full of fraternity brothers who made one mistake.
- No way. Changing all those signs feels like too much work.
- Absolutely not. Teens need to learn how to legally own a gun for three years before adding alcohol to the mix.
- Yes. Everyone calm down; it’s just poison.