NEW YORK—Sitting down with his most heavily armed advisors to go over potential courses of action, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump reportedly held a strategy meeting with his campaign’s top militia leaders Thursday afternoon in order to map out their approach before November 8.
- Absolutely. Imagine how much more fun college would be if the students could drink.
- No. The crowds at most bars make me feel old enough as it is.
- Yes, but only in exchange for a reinstatement of the draft.
- No. It would be tragic to miss out on the delicate dance that is asking your older cousin to buy you beer.
- Yes, and it’s long overdue. Our prisons are too full of fraternity brothers who made one mistake.
- No way. Changing all those signs feels like too much work.
- Absolutely not. Teens need to learn how to legally own a gun for three years before adding alcohol to the mix.
- Yes. Everyone calm down; it’s just poison.