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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Should The Drinking Age Be Lowered To 18?

  • Absolutely. Imagine how much more fun college would be if the students could drink.
  • No. The crowds at most bars make me feel old enough as it is.
  • Yes, but only in exchange for a reinstatement of the draft.
  • No. It would be tragic to miss out on the delicate dance that is asking your older cousin to buy you beer.
  • Yes, and it’s long overdue. Our prisons are too full of fraternity brothers who made one mistake.
  • No way. Changing all those signs feels like too much work.
  • Absolutely not. Teens need to learn how to legally own a gun for three years before adding alcohol to the mix.
  • Yes. Everyone calm down; it’s just poison.

More from this section

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

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