JACKSON, NH—Drawing tens of thousands of residents out of their homes and businesses to stare upward into the sky, Hillary Clinton’s colossal, floating campaign headquarters reportedly moved into position over New Hampshire this morning, casting the entire state into darkness.
- Absolutely. Imagine how much more fun college would be if the students could drink.
- No. The crowds at most bars make me feel old enough as it is.
- Yes, but only in exchange for a reinstatement of the draft.
- No. It would be tragic to miss out on the delicate dance that is asking your older cousin to buy you beer.
- Yes, and it’s long overdue. Our prisons are too full of fraternity brothers who made one mistake.
- No way. Changing all those signs feels like too much work.
- Absolutely not. Teens need to learn how to legally own a gun for three years before adding alcohol to the mix.
- Yes. Everyone calm down; it’s just poison.