BERKELEY, CA—With not a single scientist having successfully observed the behavior despite extensive ongoing research, the field of biology has made no progress in its understanding of how birds have sex, experts at the University of California told reporters Wednesday.
- Yes. Having a kid with 50 percent of my DNA is nice, but I could do better.
- No. I don’t think human beings should be playing God, aside from modern medicine, the death penalty, genetically modified crops, the subjugation of animals, and in-vitro fertilization.
- Yes. If we criminalize cloning, then the only people with clones will be criminals and the clones of those criminals.
- Fine with me. I realized long ago that another me walking around wouldn’t make me any less of a self-centered asshole.
- Okay, but only if we outlaw that bullshit where you say their name and they all say “what?” simultaneously.
- Absolutely. We seem to be at a loss for other ways to create human life.
- Yes, but start with only a few hundred thousand, then reevaluate.
- Sure. Why not? God is dead.