The Onion Weather Center delivers a very special weather report for all of our very special viewers in the Deep South, who require a little extra attention to help them understand that really big numbers mean hot temperatures.
- Yes. Having a kid with 50 percent of my DNA is nice, but I could do better.
- No. I don’t think human beings should be playing God, aside from modern medicine, the death penalty, genetically modified crops, the subjugation of animals, and in-vitro fertilization.
- Yes. If we criminalize cloning, then the only people with clones will be criminals and the clones of those criminals.
- Fine with me. I realized long ago that another me walking around wouldn’t make me any less of a self-centered asshole.
- Okay, but only if we outlaw that bullshit where you say their name and they all say “what?” simultaneously.
- Absolutely. We seem to be at a loss for other ways to create human life.
- Yes, but start with only a few hundred thousand, then reevaluate.
- Sure. Why not? God is dead.