adBlockCheck

Should We Let Immigrant Children Who Crossed The U.S. Border Stay In America?

Top Headlines

Recent News

Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books

The Arguments For And Against Bernie Sanders Staying In The Race

Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Should We Let Immigrant Children Who Crossed The U.S. Border Stay In America?

  • No. If we need more kids, we should really be producing them domestically.
  • Yes, provided they all promise to live their lives with just a slight sense of inferiority.
  • Absolutely not. If they wanted to be Americans, they should have thought to immigrate between 1607 and 1930.
  • Of course. Then we should force them to stay after they realize the American Dream is an illusion.
  • No, unless I come across some sort of photo that may humanize them in any sort of way.
  • Only the ones who get on a bus, stretch their arms out the window, and attempt to touch their mother one last time while holding back tears.
  • Yes, but only if they’re carrying a Swede to maintain a nice racial balance.
  • No. If we show the bare minimum of compassion now, who’s to say it won’t be expected from us in the future?

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close