JACKSON, NH—Drawing tens of thousands of residents out of their homes and businesses to stare upward into the sky, Hillary Clinton’s colossal, floating campaign headquarters reportedly moved into position over New Hampshire this morning, casting the entire state into darkness.
- No. If we need more kids, we should really be producing them domestically.
- Yes, provided they all promise to live their lives with just a slight sense of inferiority.
- Absolutely not. If they wanted to be Americans, they should have thought to immigrate between 1607 and 1930.
- Of course. Then we should force them to stay after they realize the American Dream is an illusion.
- No, unless I come across some sort of photo that may humanize them in any sort of way.
- Only the ones who get on a bus, stretch their arms out the window, and attempt to touch their mother one last time while holding back tears.
- Yes, but only if they’re carrying a Swede to maintain a nice racial balance.
- No. If we show the bare minimum of compassion now, who’s to say it won’t be expected from us in the future?