SALEM, OR—Saying their respective justifications were “good to go” whenever necessary, local couple Mark Wondrich, 25, and Cara Marshall, 27, reported Friday that they each have a comprehensive list of reasons why they should break up with the other on standby.
- No, that goes against the oligarchic principles on which this country stands.
- Can’t we give the nation’s wealthy a moment’s peace?
- Absolutely not. The only thing this will do is punish success and provide a half-decent standard of living for millions of people.
- Why fix what’s not broken for an incredibly small minority of people?
- No. That’s what the tip jar is for.
- Wa-hoo! Do I get to talk about tax policy now?
- No way. Unless a majority of Americans agree on it, and research finds that rising inequality among top earners and middle and lower classes is unsustainable and likely to have major destabilizing political and economic consequences.