Should We Tax Soda And Junk Food?

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Vol 50 Issue 13

Cereal Box Characters Lure Children In With Their Eyes

According to new research, the cartoon “spokescharacters” on cereal boxes are purposefully drawn with their stares angled downward to make eye contact with young children, which researchers say raises the trust level between kids and the carto...

Coco Crisp Shyly Asks Bob Melvin If A’s Are Poor

OAKLAND, CA—Upon realizing that opponents always seem to have better facilities, equipment, and players, team sources confirmed Friday that Oakland A’s outfielder Coco Crisp approached manager Bob Melvin and quietly asked whether their team wa...

Date Invites Woman Upstairs To Check Out Red Flags

COLUMBUS, OH—Following an evening spent out at a local brewpub, area man Patrick Fitzgerald took the initiative Wednesday night to invite local woman Alicia Powell up to his apartment to see his glaring red flags, sources confirmed.
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Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

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Should We Tax Soda And Junk Food?

  • No. I don’t want my personal problems funding schools or roads.
  • Do whatever you want. There’s no price I wouldn’t pay for Mountain Dew Code Red.
  • Absolutely not. If the price of soda gets too high, then what will I drink? That clear stuff that doesn’t taste like anything?
  • Yes, but only for people who still stand a chance of losing weight.
  • No. Taxes will just lead to more people stashing their Doritos overseas.
  • Yes. You know the people you’re taxing don’t have the energy to fight you on this.
  • No way. I’m already way over my Ranch-Flavored Miscellaneous Foods budget.
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