NEW YORK—Unable to ignore the incessant clatter arising from the man’s cubicle, several Westerbrook Financial employees confirmed Friday that their coworker Eric Ford was noisily typing away at his desk like a 1930s cub reporter chasing a hot lead.
- No. I don’t want my personal problems funding schools or roads.
- Do whatever you want. There’s no price I wouldn’t pay for Mountain Dew Code Red.
- Absolutely not. If the price of soda gets too high, then what will I drink? That clear stuff that doesn’t taste like anything?
- Yes, but only for people who still stand a chance of losing weight.
- No. Taxes will just lead to more people stashing their Doritos overseas.
- Yes. You know the people you’re taxing don’t have the energy to fight you on this.
- No way. I’m already way over my Ranch-Flavored Miscellaneous Foods budget.