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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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What Should The U.S. Do About Illegal Immigration?

  • Outlaw illegal immigration.
  • Deport those whose inspiring stories we haven’t heard yet.
  • See if they’d be open to the idea of working for very low pay.
  • Obviously, allow any immigrants into America if they’re fleeing Nazi Germany. That’s a no-brainer.
  • Learn to tolerate them, live with them, and, inevitably, fall madly in love with them.
  • On the one hand, we’re a nation of immigrants, so we should be open. But on the other, frantically and viciously defending the last dwindling threads of my demographic’s hold on power is extremely satisfying, so it’s tough.
  • Allow any immigrant into America who has the raw sex appeal and star power of Shakira.
  • Color border states an unattractive shade of olive.
  • Continue efforts to make the U.S. the least appealing country on the continent.

More from this section

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

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