After Birth

Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run
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Would You Give Financial Support To Your Adult Child?

  • Absolutely. This cycle of inherited wealth and inequality isn’t going to perpetuate itself.
  • No, being an adult means drowning in credit card debt just like the rest of us.
  • Yes. If they’re willing to go through that much effort to track me down, they deserve a little something.
  • Absolutely not. If I could find the gumption to be born into a prosperous economy, so can they.
  • Sure, if they can break a twenty.
  • Only if I can be certain they’ll really hem and haw whenever it comes up around peers.
  • Of course. I’m not about to abandon the sole form of contact we’ve maintained.
  • No way. After my son turns 18, graduates from college, moves to a metropolitan city for a few years, and plows through a couple unpaid internships, he’s on his own.

After Birth

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