When tragedy struck Kansas City today, Onion reporters were first on the scene. This is a video recap of our coverage of the Gunman story that began this morning when she killed zero in a crowded mall.
- Absolutely. This cycle of inherited wealth and inequality isn’t going to perpetuate itself.
- No, being an adult means drowning in credit card debt just like the rest of us.
- Yes. If they’re willing to go through that much effort to track me down, they deserve a little something.
- Absolutely not. If I could find the gumption to be born into a prosperous economy, so can they.
- Sure, if they can break a twenty.
- Only if I can be certain they’ll really hem and haw whenever it comes up around peers.
- Of course. I’m not about to abandon the sole form of contact we’ve maintained.
- No way. After my son turns 18, graduates from college, moves to a metropolitan city for a few years, and plows through a couple unpaid internships, he’s on his own.