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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Would You Let Your Son Play Football?

  • Yes. The risk of permanent injury just doesn’t outweigh the opportunity to inflict injury on others.
  • No way. There just aren’t enough long-term studies yet about the effects of repeatedly concussing your head.
  • Only if football is something that’s in his blood and you can’t take it out of him, if this whole town lives and dies by football, if football is all there is.
  • Yes, but only up until middle school or whenever I stop needing to live vicariously through my son.
  • Absolutely. How else will my son find a sense of belonging in high school as a chiseled, athletic teenager?
  • Definitely. Kids need outdoor activity and bonding with friends, and I can’t think of anything else that does that but football.
  • Wait, we can say no to our children?

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