Would You Use A Self-Driving Car?

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Vol 50 Issue 22

Shitty Museum Doesn’t Even Have A Mona Lisa

BOSTON—Sighing in exasperation as he walked out of yet another exhibit, appalled tourist Tom Bellarico confirmed to reporters Monday that the Boston Museum of Fine Arts is so irredeemably shitty that it does not even have a Mona Lisa.

Taco Bell Adds ‘Quesarito’ To Official Menu

After testing out a new menu item called the quesarito in Oklahoma City to much success, Taco Bell has decided to add the new creation, a beef burrito tucked inside a cheese quesadilla, to its official menu.

Mom’s Quirky Friend Turns Out To Be Joakim Noah

CHICAGO—Saying the lively but awkward stranger had long been something of a mystery, local teen Eric Hewer told reporters Thursday that he recently learned his mother’s quirky friend is in fact Chicago Bulls center Joakim Noah.
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Would You Use A Self-Driving Car?

  • Yes; I should’ve been taken off the road years ago.
  • No, I just don’t trust computers for anything beyond writing emails, paying bills, giving directions, doing taxes, maintaining health records, performing surgery, flying airplanes, and controlling nuclear missiles.
  • Only if I can sit in the driver’s seat and pretend I’m steering with my feet while reading a newspaper.
  • No, thanks. My chauffeur, Jackson, is doing just fine.
  • Yes. I’ve been looking for one more way not to take responsibility for my life.
  • No way. I didn’t spend five years gaining the confidence to merge for nothing.
  • Sure; I’ve always wanted to adjust the radio’s tuning and volume knobs at the same time.
  • No. Driving is so monotonous without the thrill of human error.
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