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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Would You Use A Self-Driving Car?

  • Yes; I should’ve been taken off the road years ago.
  • No, I just don’t trust computers for anything beyond writing emails, paying bills, giving directions, doing taxes, maintaining health records, performing surgery, flying airplanes, and controlling nuclear missiles.
  • Only if I can sit in the driver’s seat and pretend I’m steering with my feet while reading a newspaper.
  • No, thanks. My chauffeur, Jackson, is doing just fine.
  • Yes. I’ve been looking for one more way not to take responsibility for my life.
  • No way. I didn’t spend five years gaining the confidence to merge for nothing.
  • Sure; I’ve always wanted to adjust the radio’s tuning and volume knobs at the same time.
  • No. Driving is so monotonous without the thrill of human error.
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