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Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

8.4 Million New Yorkers Suddenly Realize New York City A Horrible Place To Live

'We're Getting The Hell Out Of This Sewer,' Entire Populace Reports

NEW YORK—At 4:32 p.m. Tuesday, every single resident of New York City decided to evacuate the famed metropolis, having simultaneously realized it was nothing more than a massive, trash-ridden hellhole that slowly sucks the life out of every one of its inhabitants.
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Milo Yiannopoulos’ Book Canceled

Publisher Simon & Schuster has canceled their $250,000 book deal with Milo Yiannopoulos after recent interviews in which the right-wing extremist condemned age of consent laws. What do you think?

  • “But the First Amendment specifically protects citizens’ right to profit from transphobic rhetoric.”

    Sheldon Fitch Gadgetry Expert
  • “It’s best that Simon & Schuster, esteemed publisher of Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, and Donald Trump, not risk their reputation.”

    Caleb Biederman Paperwork Processor
  • “I still plan to move forward with my trenchant tweet about him.”

    Darla Haugh Soup Rationer
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