Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable Of Rolling Eyes And Texting, To Be Euthanized
The parents of 13-year old Caitlin Teagart have decided to end her life, saying she can now do nothing but lay on the couch and ...
Your search for
parenting
returned
948
results.
Obama: 'Help Us Destroy Jesus And Start A New Age Of Liberal Darkness'
CHARLOTTE, NC—With the savage roar of the heathen Democratic horde rising all around him, President Barack Obama delivered an incendiary speech to close his party’s ...
Poll: 1 In 5 Americans Believe Obama Is A Cactus
WASHINGTON—According to a poll released Tuesday, nearly 20 percent of U.S. citizens now believe Barack Obama is a cactus, the most Americans to identify the ...
Open-Minded Man Grimly Realizes How Much Life He's Wasted Listening To Bullshit
CLEVELAND—During an unexpected moment of clarity Tuesday, open-minded man Blake Richman was suddenly struck by the grim realization that he's squandered a significant portion of ...
Do Glass Pipes, Incense Prove Teens Are Practicing Shamanism?
A troubling national report finds an increasing number of parents have found strange pipes, herbs, and other implements of shamanic activity in their teenagers' bedrooms.
Department Of Education Study Finds Teaching These Little Shits No Longer Worth It
WASHINGTON—The U.S. Department of Education released a comprehensive, nationwide evaluation of American schools Monday indicating that attempts to teach absolutely anything to these little shits ...
How To Find A Masculine Halloween Costume For Your Effeminate Son
Expert stops by Today NOW! to show parents of girly sons costume tips to survive Halloween without accentuating their child's obvious homosexuality.
'Romney Murdered JonBenét Ramsey,' New Obama Campaign Ad Alleges
CHICAGO—With campaign rhetoric becoming increasingly heated and both presidential nominees releasing more attack ads, a new 30-second spot from the Obama campaign this week accuses ...
Fun Toy Banned Because Of Three Stupid Dead Kids
WASHINGTON, DC—Wizco Toys recalled 245,000 Aqua Assault RoboFighters after three dumb kids managed to kill themselves with it.
Vatican Reverses Stance On Gay Marriage After Meeting Tony And Craig
VATICAN CITY—In a stunning and unexpected reversal of long-standing doctrine, Pope Benedict XVI proclaimed the Roman Catholic Church's unequivocal support for gay marriage Tuesday, just ...
Donald Trump Under Pressure To Prove He's Not A Pathetic Sack Of Human Scum
Obama plans to rob Fort Knox, a 25-year-old man who was raised by parents is still struggling to adjust to human society, and the velociraptor ...
Mom And Dad, I'm Gay And Also Stronger Than Both Of You, So Don't Try Any Shit
Mom, Dad, there's something we have to talk about. I've been wanting to tell you this for some time, and I want you to know ...
Future U.S. History Students: 'It's Pretty Embarrassing How Long You Guys Took To Legalize Gay Marriage'
DECATUR, IL, THE YEAR 2083—According to students in Mr. Bernard's fourth-period U.S. history class, it's "really pathetic" how long it took for early-21st-century Americans to ...
Cool Dad Raising Daughter On Media That Will Put Her Entirely Out Of Touch With Her Generation
RENTON, WA—Local man Paul Campbell confirmed Saturday he was raising his daughter Emma on a variety of media carefully selected to help her cultivate an ...
Horrified Man Looks On Powerlessly As He Ruins Date
DAYTON, OH—What was intended as a routine first date went horribly awry Tuesday night as local man Kevin Parker, 29, could do little more than ...
PSA: Ben Stiller Speaks Out Against Shaken Manchild Syndrome
Actor Ben Stiller urges parents with adult kids still living at home to think twice before shaking their manchildren in frustration.
Visiting Parents Unknowingly Strike Up Conversation With Parents Of Dorm's Blowjob Queen
BOSTON— As they helped their son move out of Boston University's Warren Towers dormitory Wednesday, the parents of student Jay Wiernick struck up a conversation ...
Keira Knightley Answers Fan Letter Way Too Quickly
FORT WAYNE, IN—According to local computer programmer and Keira Knightley fan Tom Hayes, 38, the internationally known English film actress and model responded "much too ...
Nation Down To Last Hundred Grown-Ups
SUITLAND, MD—According to alarming new figures released Monday by the U.S. Census Bureau, the nation's population of mature adults has been pushed to the brink ...
Breaking: Jessica Milly To Start Putting Out
DEARBORN, MI—In a shocking revelation that has rocked Thomas E. Dewey High School, sources in Mrs. Trimble’s third-period English class are now confirming that 17-year-old ...
